| Author |
Messages |
|
Janel
Posts:1
 |
| 02/13/2009 8:46 PM |
|
This may sound dumb, but I don't quit know whether I am giving a guy respect or not? What are some things you do to give guys respect?
|
|
|
|
|
Julie Fidler
Posts:162
|
| 02/18/2009 11:33 PM |
|
Telling them how proud you are of them is a great way.
Choosing to focus on their positive aspects instead of their flaws is a great way.
Doing your best not to nag and question their every decision is a great way.
It's about making your husband feel like you are in his corner, his #1 fan, and you've got his back.
Shaunti makes a great point in her books and in her talks - imagine how we women would feel if our husbands stopped showing us unconditional love. We have to show our husbands unconditional respect!
-Julie 
|
|
Forum Moderator
Project Specialist for Shaunti Feldhahn |
|
|
brokenhearted01
Posts:3
|
| 03/10/2009 10:02 PM |
|
| i wonder that too! i give him allthe free time he wants and i stopped naggen about house work, i dont knwo what to do to show respect either!! |
|
|
|
|
flashbeaver
Posts:0
|
| 03/12/2009 12:45 PM |
|
If you are in public and your husband says something slightly off the wall, don't chime in with all the others and dismiss or laugh about what he said. If all you can do is stand there with your mouth shut and a look on your face that says, "Don't you dare make fun of my husband!", then just stand there.
Later in private tell him you knew what he was trying to say, but the others just misunderstood him. Or ask him what he ment and then find something in what he tells you to affirm and compliment. |
|
|
|
|
type5
Posts:13
|
| 03/27/2009 2:39 AM |
|
| Its so great to see women trying "respect" out and posting on this forum about what it means to show respect. Very nice to see.
Male perspective:
First off, I realize I'm throwing a little wrench into the system: I actually disagree with the book FWO about saying 'I'm proud of you" to a man is a sign of showing respect.
Saying "I'm proud of you" can start to sound a little like cheerleading, it sounds a bit condescending too. This can easily become annoying to a guy.
Respect for a man is a woman acknowledging his broader capacity, for good or bad. Let me illustrate by taking a look at statistics: 90% of people in jail, and 90% of the homeless are men. Yet, when it comes to top earners or sainthood, again, the vast majority are men. Men just have an ability to skirt the broader rim of human experience.
Respect is having a woman acknowledge that gap between themselves and men (be it good or bad). Reverence, fear, respect: those all imply the same thing: an acceptance of the distance between you and your guy, and if not the downright fostering of that distance and creating more of it. Women: the more you create a distance between you and your man, the more he'll feel close to you and want to pursue you. Counterintuitive huh.
Love (the job for guys) is the opposite, it is crossing that gap that exists between the guy and his gal. When women do this to men it, as the book suggests, it is a BIG MISTAKE.
I don't know if this helps.
Type5 |
|
|
|
|
Julie Fidler
Posts:162
|
| 04/13/2009 11:29 PM |
|
If you read further into the book and if you have ever heard Shaunti speak, you will find that she doesn't encourage women to run around bawking out "I'm proud of you" all the time. 
She actually gives the example of her own husband Jeff, and how he had to pull her aside and tell her, "I appreciate you saying you're proud of me, but you're kind of missing the point!"
It's great to say that, but more important to demonstrate it, which is Shaunti's stance.
|
|
Forum Moderator
Project Specialist for Shaunti Feldhahn |
|
|
Byron
Posts:0
|
| 04/23/2009 11:25 AM |
|
| Well. Some of us love to hear those words, "I'm proud of you.". My dear wife gets anything she wants from me if she says those words. I could hear those words all day long and it won't turn me off one bit! |
|
|
|
|
Julie Fidler
Posts:162
|
| 04/23/2009 12:58 PM |
|
Sure. 
But I'm sure you'd know the difference between your wife being sincere and her just mindlessly repeating the same mantra all the time because she thought that's what you wanted to hear.
|
|
Forum Moderator
Project Specialist for Shaunti Feldhahn |
|
|
ryonn
Posts:15
|
| 04/24/2009 6:41 AM |
|
But I'm sure you'd know the difference between your wife being sincere and her just mindlessly repeating the same mantra all the time because she thought that's what you wanted to hear.
That mantra thing has started to bother me one day ago.
As men have to be creative to express his love to his wife (dont you feel bored getting the same flower monthly?), women too have to be creative to express her respect, trust and proud to her husband.
Use your imagination. |
|
|
|
|
Byron
Posts:0
|
| 04/24/2009 9:37 AM |
|
To explain further: I already know the difference. I couldn't have picked a better woman for myself if I tried! She gives me almost complete honor and respect in every area of life. It's just that she is a little weak on the verbal communication side of knowing what words to say.
Action, put with words, can be powerful.
When she fixes my favorite dish of food(biscuits and gravy), it is like she turns some kind of switch on inside of me that makes me want to give her something as well. She is honoring me with her actions and I know what it is and what it does. If someone else would fix the same dish for me I would have similar feelings towards them as well.
For the few times she has told me that she is proud of me it has turned a switch on that I didn't know was there. I can't explain what it does to me, but that switch can only be turned on when she says those words, "I am so proud of you." And............she is the ONLY one who is able to flip that switch, with those words. I am waiting for that next time she says those words, but I will not tell her I need them. I will let her figure that out on her own, because then it makes it so much more special. Only twice in 23 years, but it is worth the wait for the next time.
And ladies, just for your information: It doesn't have anything to do with sex. It does something else for me that I am unable to put into words. Yup, it's better than sex.
Action with words confirming the action, can be powerfull to your relationship. |
|
|
|
|
|