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emmie02376
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| 05/01/2010 10:38 PM |
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| My fiance and I will be getting married in August. I am confident that I am marrying a truly amazing, responsible, and loving Christian man, but there is one nagging thing that always seems to be at the back of my mind when I think about our coming marriage--and, more specifically, our wedding night.
While we were both raised in the church and both come from strong Christian families, he went through a rather rough spot in the first few years of college in which he became involved sexually with a girlfriend who seemed to have a very large influence on his life and continues to be a part of it (on a friendship basis of course). I have saved myself for my husband, but I never even considered what it might be like for us and especially him--mostly mentally and emotionally--if I were entering the marriage as a virgin while my husband...not so much.
I would just really like to know from the perspective of women who may have been in my position and definitely from any men that were once in the position that my fiance will soon be in, whether or not this unchangeable fact of our histories will affect our intimacy and/or our relationship in general. I could be blowing it out of proportion, but I can't help but wonder if he will A) struggle with lots of guilt, B) compare me, or C) not even think about the fact that I'm not his first. We have kind of talked about it, but both of us just reallyyy hate the subject.
so, here's the BOTTOM LINE question: Can a genuine Christian man have sex with his new wife--who has saved herself for him--WITHOUT being greatly affected in some negative way by the fact that he has failed at saving himself for her? |
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Stan McCullars
Posts:3
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| 06/29/2010 10:03 AM |
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| I am concerned that he is still friends with his former lover. I don't see how anything good can come out of such friendship. It would be too easy to get involved with her again should the opportunity present itself. God says a man is to "leave his father and mother" in order to get married. It seems reasonable to me that he should also leave his former lover. |
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LoveGod
Posts:1
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| 07/22/2010 3:09 AM |
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I completely agree with Stan. A man has no business befriending another woman and especially NOT his ex- NO WAY! You need to put a stop to this asap and openly discuss all your issues and concerns because it will be more difficult to do so after marriage. If he is truly repentant of his past, it needs to be evident in his daily relationship with God first and then honoring you as his future wife. Apparently, he is not honoring you already- red flag. Speak with a Christian leader or counselor about this as well. Best of wishes to you and congratulations for saving your virginity for your husband. God will bless you for that!  My husband and I were both virgins when we married and it was so beautiful to start our marriage without so much baggage from previous relationships or such. Thank you Lord for that! |
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hunipenda
Posts:1
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| 09/04/2010 4:38 PM |
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There is a related question. My boyfriend had been engaged before and was preparing for mariage. He's wife to be has left him a day or two before the wedding. This was really not easy for him. They have had basicaly no contact for the last two years. Reacently we met her by "coincidence". I got a chance to talk to her a few words. She is friendly and we got along well. So I do not have bad feelings toward her.
Well I have asked my friend about the physical aspect of this former relationship (his first real girlfrind). This was before we met her. I only asked, because I felt sure he had his principles and was able to safe himself. But she has had friends before him and well, beeing engaged and beeing so close to the wedding day, they obviously could not resist the temptation. I no not konw if I could have, sicne I was never in that situation before...
When I first learned about it, I was sad and needed some time to think it over (this was unfortunatly very early in the relationship, actully we where not really a couple then). Well I have decided to forgive him, because I see that he is honest and that he tried to safe himself, just stumbled and fell.
Now my question remains: Will it afect any future relationship? Will he compare? Think about her? Do I need to bother about it? |
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