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Jerimiah
Posts:4
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| 05/11/2009 3:25 AM |
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Hello,
I first want to say that the book was terrific and brought some understanding to why women do what they do.
My wife and I have been married for almost 13 year and we have 5 children, but since the last child my wife has let herself go. No matter how I approach the subject, it seems to hurt her feelings. In the last 4 years, I have lost 70 lbs, so I know how hard it is.
To me, and this is my opinion, she did not marry a fat man and I want to live a long time for her and the kids. In reverse, I did not marry a fat woman. I do not think it fair that she makes excuses and I am not aloud to say something in fear of hurting her feelings.
An example. After the 3rd child was born, there was a contest at her work. It was like the Biggest Loser. each person that participated put $25 into the pot and the one that lost the most weight, won the bundle. She was happy to do that. She won $700.
It is really hard for me to not look and a beautiful woman with a beautiful figure. I do think that is why some men and women cheat. Yes, I am suppose to love her no matter what, and I do. But our sex life is going south, she is getting lazy in bed. I did not marry this person, and I am concerned that I keep my mouth shut because her feelings will get hurt, it will hurt our marriage.
Please take no offense ladies if you are reading, but what I think is; if your feelings are getting hurt for reasons that I mentioned above, you really need to cowgirl up and take it as constructive criticism and be the woman your man married.
I cowboyed up and faced the fact that I was way over weight and was not the eye candy my wife married. I changed that, and it was not just for me, ibut also for my wife and kids.
I am sorry if I hurt anyone, so please forgive me.
Thanks
- J -
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Julie Fidler
Posts:158
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| 05/12/2009 10:24 PM |
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Have you ever tried to have a candid (SENSITIVE!), one-on-one conversation with your wife about what you perceive as being lazy?
I contend - from experience - that there are usually deeper reasons behind people getting lazy, and it might help to find out what's going on with her deep down.
-Julie
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Forum Moderator
Project Specialist for Shaunti Feldhahn |
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Jerimiah
Posts:4
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| 05/13/2009 2:11 PM |
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Thank you very much for your suggestion, I am sure this is what I need to do. Please don't get me wrong, my Wife is not a lazy person. She is a good person, good Wife, good Mother and a very hard worker. She has two part-time jobs and works hard at home. I just figure it is me wanting too much out of this.
Thanks
Jeremiah
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Angie
Posts:1
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| 06/17/2009 2:17 PM |
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With five children and two jobs, could it be possible that your wife feels like she doesn't have the time or energy left to take good care of herself?
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Byron
Posts:15
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| 06/19/2009 9:37 AM |
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| Considering the work load she has, her stress level alone might be enough to prevent her from losing weight. When the body has too much stress it will go into survival mode and purposely stop losing weight. Doing exersize will make the stress level go up even further and make the problem worse.
A clue here. She how she responded to the contest at work, but doesn't respond the same way to just cowgirl up and lose the weight? The people at work gave her recognition and she felt good about herself. I bet it wasn't the money that spurred her on to lose that weight. It was the good feeling she got from her workmates.
The trick here is to make her feel that way before she loses weight. And if even if she gains more pounds keep making her feel beautiful and sexy in your mind. And let her know. It is not as hard as it seems to turn around in your own mind how wonderful your bride looks to you. If you want to know how to make that happen respond to this thread and ask me.
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Justaguy
Posts:10
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| 07/01/2009 12:53 PM |
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Thanks for the incredible insight, Byron. You really opened my eyes to a few things there.
I, for one, am very eager to hear what you would have to say in regards to your last statement on how to "turn around in your own mind how wonderful your bride looks to you". |
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Byron
Posts:15
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| 07/01/2009 2:55 PM |
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| To: Justaguy, My DW and I are getting older. But she is not losing in the competition of good looks. Because I am always pursuing her. Always finding out more about her. Always thinking I don't know her well enough. It wasn't always this way. I had wandering eyes and I knew I needed to stop it. Gutting it out or memorizing Bible verses didn't help, or speaking the Word of God outloud. I needed action behind the Word of God.(faith without works is dead) So I determined to pursue her without understanding what the outcome would be. I started at about our 15th wedding aniversary, now, 9 years later I am maddly in love with her and still pursuing my one true love. It is amazing what happens when you are in love. Science actually has proven that the part of your brain that critically analizes things shuts down whey you are in love. You see less faults in the one you are pursuing. No, she is not a "ten" in the world's eyes, but she is more than a "ten" in my eyes. Go back to when you were dating your bride-to-be. Face it, there was nothing wrong with her then. So why should there be anything wrong with her now? Just get yourself back in love with her and it will happen. It's not that hard. Lots more, but that's a start. |
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Justaguy
Posts:10
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| 07/21/2009 10:57 PM |
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Byron,
I am truely amazed at your insight, and would like you to know that many of your posts have really been a blessing to me. My wife and I have been married for almost eleven years now. Even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I married my sole-mate, my intended one, I still find myself shattering her delicate world with my carelessness. My 'addiction' to sexual fantasies have driven a wedge of mistrust and emotional emptiness between us. It has even caused her on one occassion, long ago, to find some much desired acceptance in the arms of another man. It is only by the grace of God that we have been able to forgive each other. Through all this I have been searching for a way to reinstate the passion and desire that we once had for each other, that I once had for her. Don't get me wrong, there isn't anyone on this earth I would rather spend time with walking, talking, holding hands and just snuggling with at bedtime (and we still do all these things). But where my struggle lies is in the false attraction to worldly beauty I have created in my marriage, and my mind. My wife has only gotten more beautiful as time passes, but by my actions and by the things I haven't done, I have very regrettably told her something very different.
I will take your advice Byron, to persue her, without understanding what the outcome might be. And I will gladly do that in the hopes that on our 24th wedding anniversary, I will see her in the same light that you see yours.
May God bless you greatly in your relationship with your DW. |
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